Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
