i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
