Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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