hotel room ftw
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
