Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
