so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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