did you get engaged???
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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