Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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