Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
