Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
