I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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