Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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