it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
