How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
