I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
