I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
