I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
