Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
