You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
