i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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