Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
