They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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