Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love you. Go after that dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
