Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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