On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
