i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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