dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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