I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
