It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
