My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
