his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
