HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
