You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
