You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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