Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
