hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
