Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
