Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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