"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
