Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
