2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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