Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
