Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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