We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
