I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
