I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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