i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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