i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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