i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
