girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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