party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
