Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
