We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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