That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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